the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
