I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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