sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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