And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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