He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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