While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
