We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
