how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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