I hate your face
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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