im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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