After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
