He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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