She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
