By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize