I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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