She's JV to your varsity
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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