I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
