I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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