Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
