I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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