My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
