did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize