dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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