Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
