Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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