well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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