Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
