I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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