YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
