Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
