It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
