Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
