I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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