The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
