The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
