fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
