I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
