I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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