i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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