remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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