One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
