im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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