Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
