And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
