She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
