I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
