I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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