I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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