my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.