I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.