I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago