Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED