awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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