yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?