Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize