i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
