Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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