eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
