when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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