There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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