i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
