Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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