dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
