Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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