He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
