yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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