I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
