Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
