addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
