Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
