I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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