Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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