Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
