the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
