was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
