God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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