woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
